Fannie May=Big Fanny

Why is it that recently I become more depressed on holidays than on any other days in the whole year? Yes, I am single which is why I may have feel this way yesterday, but on any holiday I do feel this way.For example; Christmas, Thanksgiving, and New Years. These holidays have been pure shit the last time I experianced them. I have come to the conclusion that it must be that I miss the days. You know what I'm referring to, don't you? When you would just play with your dogs outside all day.When you would actually get bored on weekdays. When you would put your feet up against the television and watch Blues Clues. When you made out with that guy under the stars on a cruise during Spring Break.
Okay, maybe that one wasn't during the days but damn was that a good day.

Even though that wasn't even a year ago I am dreading Spring Break because of it. You see my Spring Break this year will be utter crap compared to last, therefore I now hate Spring Break. It's funny no actually ironic how your happiest events in your life can in the long run make you feel the saddest. This Spring Break will just be another reminder of how my life is in the shit hole.32 more days, then it becomes a reality.I know this because I have a countdown in my planner.
Oops here I go again just blabbing about things that have happened long ago.

Okay back to where I am presently.I have been on the 5 bit diet for the past week about. For those of you who are not familiar with the 5 bite diet it is a diet in which you eat 5 bites for lunch and 5 bites for dinner. Now I stick to this pretty well and then the joyous Valentines holiday arrived. I don't like to blame my binges on other things.... but right now I am so beware.
All these Valentines Day marathons and I didn't even get through the first episode of the marathon before I went running for these chocolate turtles(technically called pixies) by Fannie May my grandparents always get us and my mom for valentines day. Needless to say I have had the downhill affect once I picked up my first chocolate turtle. Damn you Fannie may for making the most delicious chocolate I've ever tasted. Anyway on Valentines day I tried to stay on track again but those damn marathons got to me again and I went dunning for my chocolate turtles. A few hundred calories later I got a text from this guy asking if I would go on a date with him later that night.

The reason I stuffed my face in chocolate was because I had no one to spend Valentines Day with, but then I when I received that offer of a date I had to decline because I was bloated as hell from all the crap food I just ate.
Oh irony.

-Alaska

Happy new year!

Sorry I didn't stick to my word, but I guess you should sorta expect that by now.
From now on I will stop promising blogs unless they are already written.

Anyway it's officially twenty-ten!
As you can see I have made some resolutions (via 43things.com, click on picture to see it larger).
I will try my best to keep up with number twenty nine for you guys!
Seriously I haven't updated you with really anything lately. To start off I found out Luke is just weird so I try not to talk to him.haha
&& well me and Josh have been talking since that football game but I never went up with my friend to see him. Ultimately this lead to us just telling each other that nothing could ever work between us because of the distance and trust issues. But we are still friends. Oh well, another one bites the dust.

I'm just gonna put that all behind me now.
New year.
New beginnings.
New endings.
New scandals.

-Alaska

Finally finals and I'm going to lose it.

I don't know if I'm going to lose it in a sense of sanity or in the sense of weight.

I know I haven't updated you lately but nothings new.
I haven't been really talking to Luke, but me and Josh have been hitting it off.
He plans to come down here sometime during the second week of winter break.
This means the diet definitely needs to be in motion next week.
I know Christmas will make this hard... don't remind me.
This is why I plan on getting a head start starting tomorrow.... This gives me about forsure 10 days until Josh comes down to see me.
I still don't have an exact game plan as far as diets go.
I plan to water fast tomorrow and possibly the next day.
I'll start keeping you updated everyday again..
It gives me even more will power not to become even fatter.

-Alaska

Fuck it.

I've been on a continually downward spiral these past few days.
I'm so ashamed I can't even speak of it.
I'm still an ugly fat fuck, and guess what I found out today?
I can go down with my friend to see her boyfriend and Josh next weekend.
If I'm not as much of an embarrassment then I'll oblige.
But if not I'll say I'm at my dads house (I'm home bound for life there, long story...).
To make matters worse Thanksgiving and the holidays are coming up... Fucking fantastic.
It's not like I need motivation, I get plenty of that from my friends and my mom.
Just yesterday I skipped out on the gym because I planned to go to the New Moon premiere with some friends(GAY!).
She replies"Do you just want to become a fatass?"...."Oh wait too late for that."
It seems like no matter what I'm as fucked as a shit house rat.

-Alaska

More is less.

Yesterday, Saturday, I guess I went on a "date".
I say "date" because I had no acknowledgment of it ever being a date.
Here's the thing, I ran into this other guy I had met from the corn maze Friday at a fast food place, after the football game. Just so you don't confuse this guy from my friends boyfriend's friend(the guy I had just met at the game), we'll call this guy "Luke", and my friends boyfriends friend "Josh". Well anyway Luke and I exchanged cell phone numbers, and he invited me the next day to a volleyball game between our schools (He goes to our schools rival school). I said no because I was honestly already meeting up with some friends at the movies. He asks if he can tag along and I say sure. We watched The Fourth Kind and at about 10 minutes into the movie he starts holding my hand. Because I was scared? I beg to differ. So after he holds my hand for about 15 minutes he puts his arm around me and makes me lean against his chest. We were like that the whole movie.

Now let me just clear some stuff up, Luke isn't ugly but I definitely don't like him. He's just kinda awkward and boring. But Josh on the other hand is my ideal guy. Through the whole movie I kept on thinking how I wish I could still be texting Josh(We were texting the whole day, but because of "Mr. Smooth" I couldn't because I don't want to be rude.). My friend was at the movies too and I hope she doesn't tell her boyfriend that I like Luke instead of his friend Josh.

Reading this may give you guys the wrong impression of me. First of all I definitely don't date alot. I've had one boyfriend and it was only for like two weeks, that was in August last year. Then prior to that I had gone on a 2 week cruise that summer and had a... I guess you would call it a vacation fling? Then that following Spring Break we went on another cruise for only a week and I met another guy, another vacation fling. I never kissed my boyfriend I had, I kissed the boy on the summer cruise, and I made out with the guy from the Spring Break cruise. Needless to say, I haven't gotten much guy action in a long time. Now I've got two guys. All I have to say is be careful in what you wish for, because you might just get it.

My diet yesterday only consisted of a small slice of cake. This is only because my brother came back from radiation for his cancer. He had been gone for a whole month, so of course we made a cake and ate it at the table. I don't want anyone getting suspicious.

-Alaska