Things have changed... a lot.

So I'm sorry I haven't wrote on here in a long time. Honestly, I feel like a totally different person then the last time I wrote on here. Last time I wrote I still had somewhat control over my bping but I don't AT ALL anymore. I haven't had a day that I haven't at least bp'd once in the past 2 months. If anyone thinks bulimia will solve their problems, HUG THE ONES WHO LOVE YOU BEFORE YOU LOSE THEM FOREVER TO BULIMIA. I haven't gone out on the weekends at all in months, I will talk to my friends at school pretending I'm happy and they soak it up. I've lost about 20 pounds in 1 1/2 months, I weigh 109 pounds now and all anybody has to say about it is "You look good!" or they don't even notice, which makes me want to lose even more. I'm still debating if this is a good or bad thing that people around me are so stupid and unobservant, or maybe I'm just looking at it all wrong, maybe they do know what's going on but they just don't care. Oh well, either way no one knows and that's the only important thing cause I can still purge. I'm out of control, but I'm still in control.
-Alaska

P.S.- I also went vegan like a month ago, except I have occasionally b/p'd on non-vegan things. Yay for being hypocritical.

Wow.

Hey it's been a long time.. like a really long time. So I guess this is when I fill you in with my recent diet and shit like that. Well,, there really isn't much to say. In the beginning of July I went on this crazy quest to get under 120 pounds before I went on the cruise in mid July. I actually almost succeeded, I got down to 122 which was great considering I was inching closer and closer to 130 which is honestly a pretty huge fear of mine to hit. Anyway I went on the cruise and, wow. Well actually it's more of a "woah". Like after you get of a roller coaster you don't say "wow", you say "woah" thinking of what the hell just happened and did you just do that. Yeah that sums up the cruise pretty well, did I really do what I did? I guess I'm buttering it up to be a huge deal, but it sort of is for me, when I look back at that cruise I don't picture it through my eyes I see myself like I'm watching a movie. Looking back I don't regret anything though I mean I have had 2 "meaningful" relationships on a cruise before and they never go past the cruise no matter how much you both want it to. Sure it's not the best to make-out drunk with a 19 year old douche but hey atleast I don't get my hopes up about anything happening beyond the cruise. Yeah there's a lot of interesting stories that happened on that cruise but I'd rather not go into that right now.(: Awkward smileyface. Anyway after the cruise I weighed myself and I got down to 118. Yes I do not shit you, 118! But then I ate total shit after I got back, but I think I'm still in the lower 120's. I'm honestly pretty content with my weight right now, I think I'm just going to try to do a healthy diet. Which is pretty smart cause soccer season is here, our first game is in 2 weeks! I have barely gone to any of the summer practices and when I do I didn't try so it will be surprising if I make Varsity. I actually wanted to quit soccer this year but I still have to have another PE credit and my sister is still there and she is my ride like everywhere, she graduates this year though. I already decided I'm quitting after this year, I'm just over it. School starts this Tuesday I guess I'm excited for it to start again, I'm just not ready for it.

-Alaska